U.S. — The countrywide "No Kings" protests are being hailed as an unmitigated success as after two days of rallies, America still does not have any kings.
Organizers praised the rallies as a historic accomplishment after not one single person established a dynastic monarchy in America over the weekend.
"We did it!" cried rally organizer Jennie Richardson. "No one seized the throne and became king over the weekend. All of our marching and chanting has paid off. It just shows the power of the people that we made it to the end of the weekend and didn't become a monarchy."
America reportedly began the weekend as a democratic republic, and due to a lot of people walking around with posters, will end the weekend as a democratic republic. "No, the government did not collapse over the weekend and get replaced by a self-proclaimed king," said American historian Marshall Timpton. "After a weekend of ‘No Kings' protests, there are still no monarchs. It's a massive success."
At publishing time, leftists had also declared their "No Rule By Alien Overlords" protests to be a roaring success.
Liberal Brynnleigh witnesses a communist utopia in action!
