U.S. — Public schools in the U.S. are continuing to decline as performance and test scores reach record lows. Many are blaming this phenomenon on a lack of teachers in the classrooms since most of them have been beaten unconscious by students.
"Yeah, I was gonna prep my class for their state test this week, but I got sucker-punched by one of my students who then proceeded to kick my head," said high-school teacher Fran Mardle. "Now I'm stuck in the ICU getting stitches. Oh well... what ya gonna do?"
Experts say teachers are increasingly in danger of being beaten to a pulp by young fatherless men raised in a nihilistic culture on fast food, video games, pornography, and violence, which they say can inhibit one's ability to teach a class full of kids. Current estimates claim 9 out of 10 teachers are unable to teach due to being in the hospital.
At publishing time, studies had shown a million more parents had elected to homeschool in the past week.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
