U.S. — A new study has found that 100% of men would immediately leave their desk jobs if a daring explorer showed up at their place of work and said, "My lad, I am in need of bold adventurers to join me on my tall wooden ship as I attempt to traverse the entire continent of Antarctica."
The survey found that every single actual man on the planet would immediately log out of Slack, Trello, Zoom, and countless other productivity and connectivity apps, pack their things, and join the dangerous and deadly voyage without a second thought.
"Sit here in an air-conditioned office until I get a retirement party in 40 years, or else get on a wooden ship and land on the cold, harsh ice sheets of Antarctica, where I will certainly either encounter my doom or attain eternal glory for braving the elements and emerging victorious on the other side?" said Kyle Harper, an IT worker from Florida. "Bring on the Antarctic!" He immediately shut his laptop, went down to the harbor, and sailed away, never to be heard from again.
One man actually answered "no" to the survey and said he'd rather stay at his desk job, but he was later revealed to be trans.
A follow-up survey also found that 100% of men would immediately leave their jobs behind and go on a dangerous quest if a wizard showed up at their workplace and said the fate of the world is at stake and only by traveling the lands in search of the 7 Stones of Summoning can the great evil be stopped.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
