WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a statement from the Oval Office, President Trump stubbornly refused to admit that he died this past weekend.
Journalists pressed the President as to why he would not simply admit that he is dead, but to no avail.
"You are obviously dead, Mr. President. Why will you not level with the American people?" asked Kaitlin Collins of CBS News.
"Excuse me, but can a ghost shoot three under par on the back nine like I did on Saturday? No way, not any ghosts that I know," responded President Trump. "They can't even hold a club with their ghost hands. It's embarrassing, frankly, how bad ghosts are at golf."
"Mr. President, sir. Ghosts can learn to exert force on real objects -- or have you not seen the Patrick Swayze movie Ghost?" responded Collins. "You're dead, Mr. President. Just admit it."
"That's ridiculous, a ghost could never beat me at golf," said Trump. "I will challenge any ghost, anywhere, to a round of golf. You can get the ghost of Arnold Palmer, I don't care who it is, no chance. I am the best at ghost golf, believe me."
At publishing time, the media had denounced Trump's proclamation of still being alive as "fake news."
Woke Jesus is back with a new collection of socialist teachings for your edification.
