SAN FRANCISCO, CA — Local stay-at-home tech worker Flamden Dwadles is taking a much-needed 3-hour break from hard labor this afternoon as a welcome reward for answering one email.
"Ah, Flamden, you've really outdone yourself, ol' boy," said the data analyst as he finally clicked "send" on the reply email to his boss he had been working on since 8:30 that morning. "I think this hard work deserves a little respite! Nothing like basking in the well-deserved fruits of one's labor, I always say!"
The remote worker then relaxed in his office chair for a good 15 minutes before getting up to go to the bathroom for 45 minutes. He rounded out his little breather with an hour on YouTube, 45 minutes eating cereal, and 15 minutes going to the bathroom again.
Sources say he then returned to his desk and considered answering a few more emails before deciding against it and staring at the clock waiting for it to strike 5 o'clock.
At publishing time, the worker had been fired by Elon Musk.
In this instructional video, Chinese soldiers are trained how to shout the wrong pronouns at American forces: