U.S. - Barrack and Michelle Obama joined with a mob of elderly musicians this week when they threatened to pull their content from Spotify, causing subscriptions for the streaming platform to jump 3,000%.
The former President, who is currently busy writing his 48th memoir, said he could not handle all of the trained medical professionals that Joe Rogan keeps interviewing on his podcast. "You know, uhhhhh... that uhhhhh... Rogan fella. He's... bad news! The Joe Rogan Experience exacerbates free-thinking and opinions unfiltered by government handlers. It's outrageous!"
His wife Michelle, said, "Spotify needs to get with the program here. If they shut down Joe Rogan, I will be proud of Spotify for the first time in my life. If not, we will have no choice but to remove our self-congratulatory podcasts that remind everyone how great we are."
Accountants at Spotify have been watching the money roll in ever since the Obamas threatened to withhold their podcast from the platform.
"I can't believe all the free publicity these people keep handing us," said Spotify CEO Geraldine Spottiswoode. "I can't criticize half-hearted virtue signaling when it profits us this much. I hope more people find it in their hearts to willingly lose millions so we can gain billions."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
