GALILEE — A man stricken with a severe infirmity reportedly approached Jesus of Nazareth for healing, but first wished to clarify if the Son of God was in his HMO network.
According to Judean officials, a large multitude had gathered around the man called Jesus in search of healing when a man from Bethsaida called his HMO provider to find out if the Messiah was in-network and what scrollwork he might need to fill out.
"Verily, I must know," the sick man asked while making a quick phone call. "Art Thou in-network or wouldst Thou healing be an out-of-network miracle?" the sick man asked. "Do I need a referral to see Thee?"
Witnesses said Jesus scolded the man for his weak faith and explained that, if he believes, he need not be concerned with what is in-network or out-of-network, for the Son of Man has come to all.
"Lord, I believe! Help my unbelief!" the man said. "I just want to avoid hidden out-of-pocket fees!"
Jesus reportedly healed the man then and there, without checking his insurance at all. He then shared a parable about how there are no hidden fees in the Kingdom of Heaven, a parable which provoked the wrath of the Pharisees.
"This man heals without proof of insurance coverage!" the Pharisees argued. "This will raise the premiums for all!"
At publishing time, Jesus advised His disciples to continue paying their insurance premiums, warning that a time was coming when He would depart from them and that, where He was going, they could not come for healing.
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