WASHINGTON, D.C. — Department of Education employees are feeling abandoned this week, not only because the department is currently undergoing preparations to permanently close its doors, but also because they now have to figure out what to do with their giant warehouse full of gender unicorn coloring books.
The instructional coloring books, which were used to teach k-12 students about pronouns and gender identity, had been sent to schools across the nation in the millions. Now, with schools refusing shipments and their own doors being shut, employees just don't know what to do with all their inventory.
"What on earth are we going to do with all this, Steve?" DoE forklift driver Sam Kirk was heard asking his co-worker. "We still have 8,000 pallets of gender unicorn books and nowhere to send them!"
"These were valuable educational tools," said Chief Warehouse Manager Dylan Francis. "But now, thanks to bigots like Trump, parents will have to have their children groomed at home. And that's wrong."
Employees are reportedly stumped by new Education Secretary McMahon's lack of concern over the wasted materials.
"If kids don't have access to these resources, they might grow up healthy and normal," said one employee. "I just don't get what Trump's game is here."
At publishing time, the stockpile had been buried in the desert next to unsold copies of ET the Extra-Terrestrial for the Atari 2600.
The Founding Fathers didn't always agree behind closed doors.
