LOUISVILLE, KY — Shocking, previously unreleased footage reveals that star golfer Scottie Scheffler did, in fact, fail to give the police officer whom he injured a kiss to make his owie boo-boo go away.
The video shows Scheffler callously declining to give police detective Giles a kiss even though the officer had a really hurtie ouchie. According to an internal police memo, the world no. 1 ranked golfer "ruined Detective Gillis' uniform pants with his car and even gave him two big boo-boos before cold-heartedly refusing to give the detective a kiss to help treat the pain."
"While the whole incident was a complete misunderstanding, Scheffler's insistence on not helping comfort Det. Giles after he got a boo-boo did serve to complicate an already unclear affair," wrote the official Louisville Police account in a post on X (formerly Twitter). "While Scheffler's second-degree felony charge for assaulting an officer will be dropped, the LMPD are still considering pursuing lesser charges."
Scheffler was unable to be reached for comment, as he was busy sticking out his tongue and blowing raspberries at the LMPD headquarters.
At publishing time, state prosecutors had threatened to assign Scheffler as much as 35 minutes in time-out all by himself without any golf clubs or books to read unless he apologized to detective Giles and promised to not hurt him with the car anymore.
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