HOLLYWOOD, CA — As crews continued to sift through the rubble of fire-ravaged neighborhoods in the Los Angeles area, one salvage worker made a startling discovery of old photographs that appeared to show Pete Davidson dating Marilyn Monroe in 1958.
The find comes as yet another instance of Davidson inexplicably landing a beautiful woman with the new wrinkle that he has apparently been doing this for decades — if not centuries — through the use of the dark arts or making some type of agreement with Satan.
"We now know that he had a turn with Marilyn, too," said historian Brock Middlebrook, who authenticated the photos. "Though Pete Davidson was believed to have been born in 1993, he was apparently dating gorgeous actresses long before then. Despite the apparent time paradox, it shouldn't come as a surprise that Marilyn Monroe was another notch on Pete's belt."
Prominent Monroe biographers were equally surprised to learn about the previously unknown romantic relationship. "We had no idea," said author Bridgette Crane. "We thought we had a near-exhaustive list of husbands and suitors Marilyn accumulated over the course of her life, but now we have no choice but to add Pete Davidson to the roster. How does that guy do it?"
Early indications were that Davidson had dated Marilyn a few years after her marriage to Joe DiMaggio ended but before she became connected with the Kennedys, showing historians that Davidson's romantic escapades knew no boundary of time and space.
At publishing time, archaeologists reported findings that Davidson may have instigated the Trojan War after dating Helen of Troy.
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