CAMBRIDGE — Scholars at Cambridge University now believe the biblical John the Baptist only went by that name to distinguish himself from other prominent Johns of the period, particularly John the Presbyterian.
An ancient scroll dating back to the first century served as evidence for a bold new claim that the John who baptized Jesus only went by the nickname "the Baptist" so people would not get him confused with men like John the Presbyterian.
"John the Presbyterian was a well-known John at the time," noted scriptural analyst Dr. Hansel Leggeldorf. "People often got him mixed up with John the Baptist, as select lines from the new document appear to indicate."
The key interaction, as discussed by Dr. Leggeldorf, follows:
I spoke with a man by the river who went by the name John. I inquired with him about this topic of predestination, of which I knew little, and he rebuked me.
"No, that's the other John!" he said, a voice crying from the wilderness. "Not again!"
Not everyone was convinced, however. Dr. Peter Quincy at the Institute for New Testament Textual Research argued there simply wasn't enough evidence that the John in Document # 5E35 was John the Baptist. "It's a fascinating passage, undoubtedly, but that could be anybody. John the Methodist, John the Episcopalian, anyone," he said. "I think John the Baptist was only called that because he baptized people. I know that's a boring explanation, but it's the only thing the evidence supports. Though I certainly would understand anyone's desire not to be mistaken for a Presbyterian."
At publishing time, new evidence suggested fellow first-century teacher John the Nondenominational was given his nickname by John the Catholic after refusing to go by any specific nickname.
After a slight mixup, Steve, Timpani, and Britunni end up at the Alamo instead of the Alamo Car Rental. Protestors block their way out and Timpani is going into labor!
