SAN FRANCISCO, CA—The mayor of San Francisco, London Breed, proudly announced Monday that she has instructed city sanitation workers to install a giant toilet handle in order to flush the city of feces and urine periodically.
Rather than trying to keep up with the rapid accumulation of human waste in city streets, San Francisco Public Works employees will simply pull the giant toilet handle from time to time, causing billions of gallons of water to rush down alleys, sidewalks, and roads to keep things clean.
Small urinal cakes are also being installed along city sidewalks.
Breed assured concerned residents that this is all reclaimed water. It will be dumped into the San Francisco Bay and then cycled back through the giant toilet valve every time it is flushed. And best of all, city representatives confirmed that the giant, city-sized restroom is entirely gender-inclusive.
"No matter your gender identity or sexual orientation, you can just take a dump wherever you want," Breed said. "Just like our nation's founders intended."