WASHINGTON, D.C. — Congressional Republicans were reportedly struggling to understand why voters seemed to be so angry with them when they did absolutely nothing whatsoever for the last two years.
The nation delivered a stunning rebuke to Republicans in the midterm elections on Tuesday, as voters channeled their discontent into a historic electoral wipeout. In the aftermath, puzzled Republicans huddled together, trying to discern how citizens could be so mad at them when they didn't do anything for two straight years.
"We haven't done anything for them to be mad about. We haven't done anything at all!" mused House Speaker Mike Johnson. "I looked back and checked to see if we did one single, solitary thing. Nope. Nothing! So what could they possibly be so angry about?"
Party leaders reportedly considered whether voters might be upset about grocery prices, housing costs, or federal spending, but dismissed each theory after confirming they hadn't done anything about those issues. "We didn't touch those problems. We stayed as far away from that stuff as possible. So how could they be mad at us?" wondered Senate Majority Leader John Tune. "It's a riddle."
A GOP press release pushed back against claims that the party could have been responsible for public frustration, citing its record amount of nothing that had been accomplished during the most recent sessions of Congress.
At publishing time, Republicans had decided to keep doing nothing in hopes that voters would change their minds and like them again.
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