AUSTIN, TN — After news broke that the president-elect was serious about negotiating to purchase the Danish-controlled island in the North Atlantic, one Republican hipster made sure everyone around him knew that he wanted to annex Greenland way before Trump made it mainstream.
Devin March, who registered as a Republican before any other millennials thought it was cool, reminded his close friends that he has been a proponent of the U.S. taking control of Greenland for years, long before Trump or any other Republican even mentioned it.
"I was totally ahead of the curve on this one," March said. "Suddenly it's become this super popular movement in Republican circles to want to annex Greenland, but I was advocating for that back when it was just a little-known, underground idea. It was so great back then. Now, it's gone mainstream and it's completely watered down."
March's friends admitted that he was the first one they heard raise the idea. "Devin's always in the know about stuff before it's popular," said fellow hipster Republican, Lance Smith. "He was saying stuff about needing to control Greenland for strategic purposes back in, like, 2018. Way ahead of Trump. It's always amusing to see everyone else finally catching up to stuff we've been on board with for years. Oh, you want to annex Greenland? Yeah, we know. We wanted to do it first."
At publishing time, March also wished to make it known that he first suggested making Canada the 51st state back in 2010.
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