OMAHA, NE — Local meteorologists have predicted large and dangerous storms to roll in later this evening, which means — heck yes — there is still plenty of time for you and your family to post up on the front porch to witness the devastation.

"It's going to be a terrible one! Let's get out there!" said resident Hal Borden when asked about the upcoming storm. "I saw the guy on the news saying everyone should be careful and take cover when the storm comes in, so you know it's going to be a good one. We might even catch some wind and hail damage! It's gonna be great."

One local weatherman stressed the importance of taking proper precautions. "It's looking like it'll be really bad," he said. "As always, during severe weather, safety is the priority."

"SWEET," said Borden, grabbing a lawn chair. "Throw on some popcorn, brother!"

At publishing time, TV network executives reportedly braced for low ratings in the local market tonight due to the fact that hanging out on the front porch and watching a huge thunderstorm roll through neighborhoods would be far more entertaining than anything on television.

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