Report: Tallying Votes Could Take Weeks Thanks To Common Core Counting Method

U.S.—As America braces to hear the results of the 2020 election, some experts have stepped forward to say "not so fast!" According to election officials, counting all the ballots could take weeks thanks to the brand new Common Core math standards.

"Common Core has provided us a national framework for how to count things," said Florida election official Darla Dibbleton. "Unfortunately, it has required us to completely re-learn math. This is a nightmare. I don't even know what's true anymore. I can't even remember how to count to 10. Somebody help me!" Dibbleton then broke down sobbing in the middle of the polling center.

"I know this seems counterintuitive, but it's actually a really good thing," said one education expert from a gleaming tower where he lives. "You just have to trust us. We know what's best." 

Election workers are furiously trying to get a crash course on Common Core math via Zoom classes with public school teachers so they can get counting. They hope to have final results within a month or two. 

Babylon Bee subscriber Pete Moyer contributed to this report. If you want to get involved with the staff writers at The Babylon Bee, check out our membership options here!
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