WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a fiery speech on Capitol Hill this week, Rep. Pramila Jayapal condemned the use of the derogatory slur "illegal immigrant" to describe people who immigrated to the country illegally.

"The use of such precise, descriptive language to describe persons of other-than-documented status is offensive, demeaning, and racist," said Jayapal to an empty House floor and a C-Span camera operator. "When we accurately describe a problem that we don't want to solve because it helps us politically, it makes it much easier to solve that problem. We can't allow that."

"Also, it's probably homophobic."

Research from prominent sociologists has confirmed the term "illegal immigrant" often leads directly to anti-immigrant sentiment and hate crimes, probably. "When we use dehumanizing slurs to describe undocumented persons of noble asylum seeking, it contributes to the problem," said noted immigrant-terminology expert Dr. Fletch Pugg. "Individuals of non-traditional nation entry deserve more dignity than that."

At publishing time, locals from Jayapal's Seattle district had demanded answers after another 1,000 international dreamers of unorthodox interactions with the law were given shelter in an elementary school.

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