ORLANDO, FL — In an attempt to win back customers, struggling restaurant chain Red Lobster has rolled out a new promotion called their "Reasonable Amount Of Shrimp" deal.
A spokesman for the company said that due to rising prices, their previous offering of all-you-can-eat shrimp was just not sustainable. "I'm not going to lie, we lost a ton of money by offering endless shrimp," he noted at a press conference Friday. "One guy stayed in our restaurant for 12 days last year and ate 47 pounds of shrimp. It's basically the entire reason we went bankrupt."
Despite the end to their most popular offering, the company says they are looking forward to the days ahead. "We're excited to delight our customers by offering them the chance to eat normal human quantities of shrimp for a pretty average price," the spokesman noted.
The definition of a "reasonable amount" will reportedly be left up to individual restaurant managers, but the spokesman said that it would "probably be, like, 20 shrimp. Maybe 25 if you're really hungry, but that's pushing it."
At publishing time, Red Lobster noted that your mom has been asked to leave their King of Prussia, PA location for attempting to eat an unreasonable amount of shrimp.
Kamala Harris is out of a job, but luckily we've got ten great career options just for her.
