LONDON — A rape gang was busted Wednesday after British police received an anonymous tip that they'd been illegally using an air conditioner.
Constables broke up what turned out to be one of the largest rape gangs in the UK during an early dawn raid on an air-conditioned domicile, which witnesses say had a thermostat set well below 40° Celsius.
"Right, this house is cold, innit? Take them away!" Inspector Will Heirs was heard commanding his team. "We got no tolerance for your conditioned air, mate!"
Over a dozen Pakistani Muslims and one native Englishman named Steve Naringwell were all arrested for extreme air conditioning possession, a crime the Metropolitan Police Service takes very seriously.
"These rapists thought they could use an air conditioner without a proper license," said CPS Chief Gravathur Cunningham. "These chaps are going away for a long time."
According to police reports, several members of the violent rape gang refused to use a fan to cool their unit despite repeated warnings. "These people make me right sick," Police Constable Henry Millenstool said. "A whole life full of rape ahead of them and they flush it down the drain."
At publishing time, Defence Solicitor Edmond Pikely had requested that his clients be allowed to be released on bail to continue raping, so long as they promised not to turn on the air conditioner.
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