RICHMOND, VA - For the past few weeks, polls have shown momentum in Glenn Youngkin's favor in the Virginia governor's race, as he has taken the lead over Terry McAuliffe in most polls. McAuliffe appears increasingly desperate to move opinion in his favor, resulting in his final appeal to voters, which is to yell, "Racism! COVID! Trump!" over and over while staring at voters with wild eyes like those of a trapped animal.
"Racism! Raaacism!" McAuliffe screamed at a sparsely attended rally. "COVID! No masks! Die of COVID!!" he added. He then grabbed a nearby voter and started shaking him, yelling into the voter's face. "Trump! Truuuuump!"
"It is a nice distillation of his entire campaign into the simplest message," commented pundit Louis Jensen, who has followed the Virginia race closely. "The only problem is that the racism message may lose potency because Democrats cry racism over absolutely everything all the time. Also, people are becoming less and less worried about COVID. And Trump simply doesn't loom as large in voters' minds now that Biden's failings are more prominent. Still, this seems like McAuliffe's strongest possible closing message."
"Racism! COVID! Trump!" McAuliffe screamed at the rally, though most people had left, and now all he did was scare away a nearby dog. He ended his speech in a more heartfelt way, falling to his knees and sobbing while muttering softly, "Racism. COVID. Trump."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
