U.S. — Progressive researchers working with the American Civil Liberties Union (ACLU ) said they were only a mere 15-20 years away from finding out what a woman is.
"We're very close," said Dr. Nina Rangleford, a medical doctor and biology expert. "We've studied hundreds of human bodies and cross-referenced those findings with what people feel. We're confident we'll be able to provide an accurate definition of what a woman is in just 15 years. Twenty, max."
Researchers said they have left no stone unturned in their experiments, even deigning to look up the definition of woman in a dictionary.
"Well, this is obviously wrong," one researcher said after examining a Webster's Dictionary. "We've got our work cut out for us, boys. I mean girls. I mean... whatever."
In an effort to maintain professional neutrality, the ACLU made sure to recruit one scientist from each and every one of the 437 known genders. The team was then sequestered to avoid recent political discussion on the matter so they could focus on what really matters: their feelings.
"I mean, I we might not be close, but I feel we are very close, and that means something," Dr. Xiang Ling, a Chinese research assistant on loan from the People's Republic of China. "I hope so, anyway. I really want to go home."
At publishing time, researchers had asked for an extension on their project and an additional $5 billion in grant money to support their work.
AI won't take these jobs!
