MINNEAPOLIS, MN — Just in time for spring, neighborhood kids were seen playing the classic game of "Smear The Oppressive Patriarchal Colonialists Who Perpetuate Cis-Whitness And Literal Violence Against Indigenous People Groups And The LGBTQIAA++ Community" in local parks and on quiet cul-de-sacs.

"Car! Hold on, everybody!" one unidentified child said as he broke up a routine game so everyone could step aside safely. Moments later, the group of kids returned to the street to kick around a ball they referred to as "whitey."

Elderly residents have found the sight particularly heartwarming.

"Ah, youth! It reminds me of my own childhood when I'd play 'cowboys and Indians' with my chums," said a senior citizen watching young scamps run around his cul-de-sac as he reflected on his past.

"Uh, I was a product of my time," he quickly clarified.

The game routinely involves children taking on the roles of journalists who write scathing smear pieces in pretend newspapers about the systemic prejudice of other kids who take on the role of heteronormative white professionals who try to keep their jobs in the face of diversity quotas.

The games often become heated and parents wish to remind everyone that it's all in good fun, just as it plays out in this example:

"Hey, I smeared you! You can't pretend to work! I canceled you!"

"Nuh-uh! You missed! I offset my carbon emissions and undid centuries of male toxicity!"

"Okay fine, but I'm running a DNA test to see exactly how white you are. I bet you're German!"

"Nuh-uh! I'm South African!"

"Oh man, apartheid! You're going down!"

"Oh no!"

Many games follow a similar pattern, often leading to tears. Responsible parents can comfort their children by reminding them that tears are white guilt leaving the body.

At publishing time, kids in a nearby bigoted neighborhood had become the target of progressive kids who sought to cancel them for playing a game of "house."