NEW YORK CITY — Progressive Democrat James Talarico went on The Late Show to explain how Democrats can be Christians too if they just ignore everything in the Bible.
Talarico, a Texas state representative running for a U.S. Senate seat, explained to host Stephen Colbert that Democrats can easily be Christians by using the one small trick of ignoring all the things that the Bible says.
"You don't have to choose between being a Democrat or a Christian," said Talarico. "It's really very simple. You just ignore the Bible and all the stuff Jesus said, and then still say you're a Christian. Voila! You can support murdering babies, gay marriage, genital mutilation, whatever you want. It's so easy, I can't believe no one thought of it before me."
"Wow, this is really great stuff," chimed in host Stephen Colbert. "So, what do you do if you happen to accidentally hear someone reading a Bible?"
"I'm glad you asked, Stephen," said Talarico. "If you should ever find yourself in that awful situation, all you have to do is start screaming 'Love conquers hate' over and over until they stop reading the Bible. Then, remind yourself you don't have to follow Christ to tell people you're a Christian. Look at me, I'm doing it right now."
At publishing time, Talarico had assured voters that as a Christian, the first thing he would do as a Senator would be to outlaw Bibles.
Protect yourself from the modern day gestapo!
