ISRAEL — A local father recently displayed inspiring, unconditional love by welcoming back his son who had asked for his inheritance early so that he could blow it on Fortnite V-Bucks.
According to many witnesses, the father's example of forgiveness is "unparalleled" and "jaw-dropping" because the son's crime is so heinous.
"Most fathers of prodigal sons have to deal with ordinary, run-of-the-mill things like spending their entire inheritances on wine, women, and song," said one friend of the father. "But this prodigal son has outdone them all. Who could imagine a kid who was so spendthrift, so irresponsible, so mind-numbingly stupid as to spend his entire inheritance on fake Fortnite money?"
According to the prodigal son's older brother, the father's generosity in welcoming back his son is entirely out of place.
"My little dumb brother spends all his time on Fortnite and just blew half of my inheritance!" he complained. "And he's never even won a battle royale! I win battle royales all the time and I play Halo, just like my Dad always wanted us to — why does this loser get a whole fattened calf?"
At publishing time, the older brother had been further outraged to hear that his younger brother had even blown the V-Bucks on a "stupid nooby skin."
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
