LOS ANGELES, CA — In an act of rebellion against the men who have repeatedly kept her down throughout her life, singer Taylor Swift spelled out "F--- The Patriarchy" in contrails with her $10 million private jet.
"Yeah! That'll show ‘em!" Swift could be heard yelling as she zoomed her giant plane around the skies above L.A. "The patriarchy has held me down long enough. Sure I have millions of dollars and hundreds of millions of fans, but I could have even more of it all if it weren't for systemic sexism and patriarchal societal repression."
Swift's fans were quick to applaud the singer's actions. "I love how she's dismantling systems of oppression by speaking truth to power," fan Francisca Gomez told the press. "I'm 200 pounds overweight and I know it's because of the evils of the patriarchy and my internalized submission. Eff them!"
As of publishing time, Swift announced she would continue to protest the oppression she's experienced at the hands of the patriarchy by buying several hundred $4,000 Gucci handbags and lighting them on fire.
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
