TALLAHASSEE, FL - Take that, DeSantis! In a powerful statement against the "Don't Say Gay" bill, The Episcopal Church in Florida has released a new version of their hymnal in which every song title and lyric is replaced by the word "gay."
"We condemn DeSantis's bigoted attempt to prevent the sexual indoctrination of small children," said Episcopal Bishop Caiya Diddle. "That's why, starting today, all twelve Episcopals in Florida will sing the word 'gay' over and over and over again every Sunday until this bill is overturned."
In addition to the song change, preachers will throw out their usual Sunday sermons and just say "gay" over and over again for 30 minutes. They will also replace traditional Sunday School with drag queen story hour so kids can get their fill of kinky classroom instruction they can no longer get in school.
"Here in the Episcopal Church, we loudly and proudly say 'gay,' just like Jesus did," said Diddle. "I look forward to singing my favorite song, "Gay," with my tiny congregation, followed by the old classic "Gay Gay in the Gay."
UPDATE: All members of the congregation have been arrested as part of a sex-trafficking sting.
It's a serious medical emergency: you're minding your own business when you hear an opinion you slightly disagree with.