You think you know the Bible? Move over, you protestant hack! The leader of the Catholic Church knows more about Holy Scripture than you could ever hope to learn. Do yourself a favor, sit back, and enjoy a masterclass in biblical studies at the feet of the pontiff.
The Babylon Bee has not only obtained the following list of Pope Francis's favorite Bible verses but exclusive commentary on each verse from the Holy Father himself:
- "I will not eat green eggs and ham, I do not like them, Sam I Am.": There are things in this life that are not pleasant. These are the green eggs and ham of our lives.
- "It was the best of times, it was the worst of times...": Never has the Holy Bible better described life in our world.
- "Let the ruling classes tremble at a Communistic revolution. The proletarians have nothing to lose but their chains. They have a world to win. Workingmen of all countries unite!": This is what the gospel is all about.
- "Nobody puts Baby in a corner.": This is, of course, referring to the Christ child who was born in Bethlehem, never to be put off in a corner.
- "In the light of the moon a little egg lay on a leaf. One Sunday morning the warm sun came up… and POP, out of the egg came a tiny, very hungry caterpillar.": We all should wake up on Sunday morning with a hunger for God.
- "I was born this way.": Timeless truth from the Apostle Lady Gaga.
- "To be or not to be, that is the question.": It is important to answer the question of what we are to be… even if we are to be trans.
- "Yippee ki yay, %$@&!": As Scripture tells us in the story of John McClane at Nakatomi Plaza, we must joyfully engage our enemies and struggles with excitement.
- "Space. The final frontier.": We must explore the wonder of the world God created, just as Kirk and the Enterprise crew did in the Bible.
- "Can you take me higher? To a place where blind men see. Can you take me higher? To a place with golden streets.": No more wondrous description of the glory of Heaven has ever been written.
When the man who says he speaks on behalf of God says these are his favorite verses, who are we to disagree?
Citing concerns about stiff competition from Amazon and an impossible-to-please Gen Z, Santa has announced he's hanging up the hat for good.
