U.S. - After several successful rounds of trials and a quick overnight approval from the FDA, Pfizer proudly announced they will be releasing a brand new, never-before-seen COVID drug "Pfivermectin."

"It's important to understand that this drug is nothing like Ivermectin, even though Pfivermectin rhymes with Ivermectin and it pretty much does the exact same thing," said Pfizer CEO Hans Pfizer. "Everyone knows Ivermectin is a widely discredited horse drug, and ours is not. Very important distinction there." 

Experts say that taking two doses of Pfivermectin every day at the first sign of COVID symptoms could lessen the severity and duration of the infection. Ivermectin will do the same thing, except it may also turn you into a horse and make everyone laugh at you. Not good! 

A Pfizer spokesman also confirmed that their drug will be approximately 30,000% more expensive than Ivermectin.

"Don't worry about the cost," said the spokesman. "The government will cover the cost. Besides, that's a small price to pay to not turn into a horse!"