CORNWALL - According to sources, the people who ruined the world's economies by promoting lockdowns, economic shutdowns, and printing cash have gathered in the United Kingdom this week to discuss how to fix the world's economies.

The very people who implemented anti-science policies that simultaneously did nothing to stop COVID and ruined millions of livelihoods gathered to enjoy their triumph over the virus and talk about how to fix everything.

"We assure you -- we will have a great plan to fix everything!" said the people whose plans ruined everything. "Trust us -- when have we ever been wrong about anything?"

From Boris Johnson and Joe Biden to Justin Trudeau and that weird French guy, members of the summit had pushed harmful economic policies rather than just letting the people reach herd immunity and go on with their lives. But they're now claiming they are the people you need to listen to for reopening the very economies that they destroyed.

At publishing time, the entire world was praying for a giant tidal wave to hit the beach where the attendees were gathered.