People Of Gondor Begin To Wonder If They Should Move Their Capital City Away From The Big Fiery Shadow Mountains Filled With Orcs

KINGDOM OF GONDOR — The people of Gondor are beginning to wonder if they should move their capital city of Minas Tirith away from the big fiery shadow mountains filled with orcs that hate them and seem intent on killing them all.

Ever since Isildur and Anárion, the sons of Elendil, founded the South Kingdom of Gondor, the people of the realm have always questioned why their rulers decided to start their capital a stone's throw away from an active volcano land populated by orcs, trolls, and all sorts of nightmare creatures. A recent poll conducted under the Steward of Gondor, Denethor II, son of Ecthelion II, has revealed that 88% of citizens of the kingdom feel that now it might be prudent to move their capital just a skosh westward to get away from the innumerable hordes of orc armies under the command of the Dark Lord Sauron.

The survey revealed that while 88% of Gondorians were sure that they wanted to move their capital away from the big fiery shadow mountains filled with orcs, 6% thought that Gondor should "stay and wait for the king", and 6% were "undecided".

"Every day I wake up with the smell of the ash plains in my nostrils," said farmer Doron. "The land quakes and trembles constantly and whenever I look to the east, my whole vision is filled by angry shadow mountains that remind me my neighbors are currently plotting to kill me and my whole family."

"I know the Steward is just waiting around the Citadel for some kind of return of the King, but I'm starting to have my doubts," said one guard of the Citadel under condition of anonymity. "Can you believe my job is just to stand around all day and guard this dead tree? What are we doing here?"

At publishing time, Denethor II reassured the subjects of the land that when his son Boromir returned from his journey to the north that he would know what to do.