PYONGYANG - In a desperate, last-minute effort to prevent a nuclear showdown between North Korea and the United States, the Pentagon has airdropped Baptist missionary Paul Washer behind enemy lines so the fiery evangelist can preach the truth of Jesus to Kim Jong Un until he gives up his nuclear arsenal.
According to well-placed sources, Washer leaped out of a U.S. spy plane high over Pyongyang early Wednesday morning, snaked his way through the city (reportedly converting several hundred North Koreans to Christ along the way), crawled through a labyrinth of ventilation ducts, and finally dropped from the ceiling to surprise the North Korean leader, where he began preaching to Kim Jong Un and his bodyguards out of 2 Corinthians 5, showing no fear for his own life.
At one point, Kim Jong Un reportedly began laughing at Washer's condemnation of world leaders who threaten nuclear strike on one another, thinking the preacher was only condemning President Donald Trump. But Washer whirled to him and pointed his finger right at the dictator's face, crying out, "I don't know why you're laughing. I'm talking about YOU!"
In response to the Korean ruler's reminder that he is the Supreme Ruler, wielding immense power, and is therefore unafraid to stand before God, Washer snapped, "Sir, you will melt before God like a tiny wax figurine before a blast furnace!"
At publishing time, the North Korean dictator had begun to weep bitterly at the magnitude of his sin against a thrice-holy God, sources confirmed.