Pelosi: 'We Have To Convict Trump On The Charges To Find Out What Is In Them'
Politics · Mar 31, 2023 · BabylonBee.com

WASHINGTON, D.C. — Democrat Congresswoman Nancy Pelosi is calling for a quick conviction of Trump so that we can all see what he's being charged with.

"Just like we do with our spending bills, we should convict Donald Trump of these charges right away so that we can see what's in them," said Pelosi. "Trump has many pages of charges that are probably horrible and we just don't have time to read them all. Doing it this way is much more efficient!" Pelosi's statement was then interrupted by her teeth getting stuck in an ice cream bar she was eating.

Sources speculate the list of charges against Trump includes paying hush money to a stripper, colluding with Russia to overthrow the United States government and usher in 1000 years of darkness, and being really yucky and Trump-like. "We don't need a list of charges to know that Trump is guilty of being Trump," said Pelosi. "Let's get this over with already."

At publishing time Manhattan's DA had announced 3,000 additional pages of charges were brought in at 1 AM in the morning.

Babylon Bee subscriber snek --FOSH --MHGA contributed to this report. If you want to pitch your own headline ideas to our staff, click here to check out all of our membership options!

We asked Trump to narrate 7 more famous historic battles, and the result was tremendous and magnificent. Everyone says so.

Subscribe to our YouTube channel for more tactical instruction

Ready to join the conversation? Subscribe today.

Access comments and our fully-featured social platform.

Sign up Now

You must signup or login to view or post comments on this article.