LONDON — A successful marketing firm in the U.K. has come up with an ingenious plan, deciding that the centuries-old landmark Piccadilly Circus is an ideal place for an enormous Burger King billboard.
"It's such an awe-inspiring, beautiful location that is famous around the world," said marketing strategist Eric Embry. "With so many people traveling from all over the globe to visit this destination, we figured it would be a great idea to render it completely invisible by covering it with advertisements. Why would anyone want to see these beautiful buildings when they can see a huge billboard for Burger King, am I right?"
Tourists and shoppers walking through the well-known intersection did not agree with Mr. Embry's assessment. "Do you really think I spent an entire day flying over here from Utah to look at a three-story picture of a Whopper?!" asked American traveler Corey Adams. "Why not just hang a giant tarp with the Nike swoosh on it over Big Ben while you're at it?"
Even the locals in the area expressed confusion over the obnoxious marketing tactics. "It's such a lovely neighborhood with fantastic architecture," said London resident John Hazeldine. "Seeing it covered in cheeseburgers and chips is really a bit sad, innit?"
At publishing time, a visibly frustrated Mr. Adams had left Piccadilly Circus and was headed toward Buckingham Palace, which he now fully expected to be completely unviewable due to being obscured by 100-foot-tall LED signs for Coca-Cola and McDonald's placed on the front lawn.
Here is a comprehensive list of the only instances it is acceptable for men to shed a tear.