SIMI VALLEY, CA - Nancy Pelosi (D-CA) is responding to the Taliban's unprecedented takeover of Afghanistan with a rarely-used secret weapon that she has sworn to only use when the existence of our nation is at stake: impeachment.

In a move defined as "brilliant" by aides who wanted to keep their jobs, Pelosi has bypassed the distracting rhetoric around Biden's inability to guide foreign policy or chew food, and is using her deductive skills to shine a glaring light on the one person solely responsible for the Middle East crisis: Ronald Reagan.

"Ronald Reagan's failure in Afghanistan is the reason why President Biden is struggling with this unfortunate blow to his otherwise pristine image," she said. 

"The American people have spoken," said Pelosi leaning against a shovel near the Simi Valley resting place of the 40th president of the United States. "Impeachment should be used in the rarest of circumstances, but today I am left with no choice. I must prevent the end of civilization as we know it."

She then instructed her staff to begin digging as soon as they were finished printing out those 25th Amendment submission forms.