WASHINGTON, D.C. - Congress passed emergency legislation today to address the thousands of U.S. citizens still trapped in Afghanistan. The new legislation will mobilize the Air Force to drop much-needed absentee ballots for Americans eager to vote in the 2022 election.
"Our heart goes out to the helpless Americans still stuck in Taliban-controlled Kabul," said Senator Chuck Schumer. "We know they are eager to vote for us in the upcoming elections, and we will not rest until they receive the ballots they deserve. To our American friends overseas, help - in the form of easy-to-fill-out ballots - is on the way!"
The Air Force will conduct a daring airdrop at night to deliver hundreds of pallets of paper ballots into the waiting hands of American citizens, eager to vote for their favorite Democrat politicians.
To make things easy, Democrats have ensured all the ballots will be pre-marked for Democrats.