WASHINGTON, D.C. — Hearings on Capitol Hill took a dramatic turn today, with PBS's bipartisanship being questioned due to newly released footage of Elmo keying a Tesla Cybertruck.
The shocking video came out while PBS officials were being questioned by members of Congress, with audible gasps being heard when it appeared to show the beloved Sesame Street star approaching the parked Cybertruck and aggressively running his key along its side.
"Elmo hates Nazis! Elmo make sure everyone knows you have a Nazi car!" the red-furred creature was heard saying on the video. "Elmo didn't vote for Elon Musk. Elmo wants Elon Musk to get bent. Elmo says Elon should stay away from Sesame Street if he knows what's good for him!"
Republican members of the House Oversight and Government Reform Committee pounced on the revelation. "You expect us to believe PBS is unbiased after this?" asked Georgia Representative Marjorie Taylor Greene. "Elmo, just like the rest of the pinko commie residents of Sesame Street, is a perfect example of what happens when U.S. taxpayer money is used to fund radical left-wing propaganda. The American people can rest assured that Elmo will be held accountable for what we've witnessed here today."
When reached for comment, Elmo denied any wrongdoing. "Elmo doesn't key cars! Elmo loves cars!" he said in a statement. "Elmo also loves America! Please don't take away PBS's funding! Elmo still needs his paycheck!"
At publishing time, the House committee was also preparing to look into accusations that Bert and Ernie had participated in an obscene interpretive dance during a Pride parade last summer.
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