BREA, CA—According to sources present at Calvary Chapel Free Grace’s Father’s Day service Sunday, Pastor Slater Mills absolutely slammed the congregation’s dads in his message, even though the pastor had breathlessly praised mothers for their selfless work in child-rearing just one month before.
The pastor who had preached a sermon called “Moms: God’s Best Gift” on Mother’s Day just one month ago “really let the dads have it” in a fiery message yesterday.
“Alright dads, buckle up, because I’m gonna lecture you for the next 30 minutes on why you’re all so terrible,” he began. “I’ve got a 42-point sermon lined up here, and each point is an ironclad argument for why every father today is a lazy, useless, selfish jerk. I don’t wanna see any of you all dozing off or checking scores on your phone, because you really need to hear this, you incompetent goofs.”
“I know this is going to go in one ear and out the other, because you are all so awful,” he continued before launching into his scathing address on the day designed to honor the nation’s fathers.
At publishing time, sources were also able to confirm that Pastor Mills had asked all the fathers in the congregation to stand and be recognized for the worthless oafs that they are.