WASHINGTON, D.C. — Following months of urging from President Trump and the American people to pass the SAVE Act and secure the integrity of U.S. elections, the party that promised to save America announced that it wasn't really interested in saving America anymore.
Republican leaders in the Senate held a press conference on Tuesday to officially set aside any plan to move forward with the SAVE Act, citing a waning desire to fulfill countless campaign promises to save the country.
"We know we campaigned on saving the country, but honestly, we don't really care," said Senate Majority Leader John Thune. "You know how it is. You want to get elected, and you figure out what the voters really want to hear from you, so you just say stuff. All that jazz about election integrity and passing voter ID legislation… it's not something we're all that interested in. We hope the American people will understand that we're mostly just wanting to stay in power and maintain the status quo. Until we're up for re-election, that is. Then, we'll really be committed to turning things around."
Other Senate Republicans affirmed Thune's announcement. "Yes, it's true, we don't really care about saving America," said Senator Tom Cotton. "We all talk a lot about it when we give speeches, but let's be honest, that's only when there are cameras, donors, and voters around to hear us. So let's just move past this ‘SAVE Act' stuff and get back to pretending to do things without actually making any difference."
At publishing time, Senate Republicans reminded voters that they would once again need their support this November so they could stay in power while not accomplishing anything.
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