U.S. — Attorney General Pam Bondi has announced that after almost a year on the job, she has finally figured out what the acronym "DOJ" stands for.
"It stands for 'Department of Justice.' That's really neat," said an excited Bondi to a gaggle of reporters outside the Department of Justice. "It really helps to clarify what I'm supposed to be doing around here. It's fun learning new things."
Bondi then celebrated the occasion by bringing some criminals to justice.
"Wow, this feels great," she said as authorities perp-walked a psychotic BLM church protester in front of the cameras. "Justice is cool! I could get used to this!"
Anonymous sources claimed that the last year saw disagreements between Bondi and staff on what "DOJ" stood for. Theories reportedly included "Department of Jellybeans," "Division of Judo," and "Dolphins on Jupiter." Insiders were reporting great relief among staffers thanks to the newfound clarity on what they're supposed to be doing every day.
"Ha! 'Department of Justice!' That makes so much sense! Who knew?" said Bondi.
At publishing time, Homeland Security Secretary Kristy Noem also reported that she was very close to figuring out what "DHS" meant.
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