WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a touching display of old-fashioned romance, Representative Maxine Dexter of Oregon used a speech to publicly ask President Trump to be her Valentine.
After years of secretly harboring her unrequited love, Dexter finally mounted the courage to ask Trump, in so many words, to "Be Mine."
"I can't hide the way I feel any longer," said Dexter, blushing. "My heart has been a-flutter ever since the first time I saw you, Donald. You take my breath away every time our paths cross. In the timeless words of David Archuleta, 'I know this crush ain't going away.' So here goes: Dear, beautiful Donald -- will you be my Valentine?"
As Representative Dexter giggled like a schoolgirl, the gathered crowd cheered her bold act of passion. "It's so beautiful. She just put her heart on her sleeve," said onlooker Deena Roscoe. "It's like Romeo and Juliet, this forbidden love. But nothing can hold her back. As she said, she simply has to love Donald J. Trump."
At publishing time, Dexter had been spotted standing outside the White House holding a boombox over her head while softly weeping.
Meet Devyn. The 16-year-old Chick-fil-A worker who has replaced the entire government.
