Some time ago, a hopeful people looked for answers to all the problems that plagued this country. And then the Republicans emerged, and they seemed to have answers, so they were voted into office.
But it didn't work out. They didn't solve anything. And people got tired of them. The country was descending into malaise. It seemed there was no hope, but then the answer came: the Democrats. They would take power and fix everything. And people gladly voted for them.
But the Democrats failed. They were useless. They had no idea what they were doing. It was terrible. It seemed nothing could save the country, but then some heroes emerged out of nowhere: the Republicans.
So the reins of power were handed over to the Republicans, but things quickly soured. They didn't fulfill any of their promises. And there were a lot of wars. A lot. Way more than normal. The country was depressed. It was the end, we were sure, but someone new came along to fix things: the Democrats.
But it was all for naught. The Democrats were the absolute worst. They just kept meddling in everything and making it worse. And they were also just irritating. Everyone wanted to be rid of them. But who would replace them? That's when some people stepped up: the Republicans.
But the Republicans are awful. No one can even figure out what they're trying to do. And then there's Trump—historians centuries from now will still be trying to figure out what he's all about. It's like the country is in a skid and out of control. Can anyone right us?
I think I have an idea of someone who can: The Democrats. They're talking a lot about how they can fix things and make things better. They really seem to know their stuff. Maybe they could be the answer to everything. I say we give power to them and hope for the best. Because if they fail, I can't imagine who could possibly replace them.
Breaking: PayPal Now Available
Many of you told us you wouldn't subscribe until we offered PayPal as a payment option. You apparently weren't bluffing, so we finally caved and added PayPal. Now — like the unbeliever faced with God's invisible qualities displayed in nature — you are without excuse.