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Op-Ed: Things In The White House Are Going Tremendously!

The Babylon Bee today is taking the rare step of publishing an anonymous Op-Ed essay. We have done so at the request of the author, a high-level U.S. President whose identity is known to us and whose job would be jeopardized by its disclosure. We believe publishing this essay anonymously is the only way to deliver an important perspective to our readers.

Look how great everything is! It’s tremendous! This administration has the best president ever, and he is making America great again! The economy is huge! We have so many jobs, it’s too many jobs and we’ll need more people. Except we won’t get more people, because he is also closing the border. And no more wars in the Middle East; now all wars will be in space. Trump is delivering on every promise. It’s unbelievable! Everyone loves him!

Some are saying the president is unhinged. This is FAKE NEWS! Maybe even TREASON? The fact is Trump is the hinged-est president ever. Everyone in the administration talks about how great he is and how rich he is and how brain-smart he is and how attractive his wives are, especially the current one.

Maybe some in the administration don’t like Trump because he’s so great they have nothing to do because he does EVERYTHING. Whatever; those people are LOSERS and he doesn’t need them. He only hired them because he felt sorry for them, but it was a MISTAKE. And they keep telling him not to Tweet and don’t write an op-ed without them seeing it first. SHUT UP! The smartest president ever knows what he’s doing!

Well, I need to finish up since Fox & Friends is coming on. Just know that everything is great in the administration because the president is so great, and ignore all the losers and fake news. Also, if you see the nuclear football, just drop it in any mailbox, and the post office will know who to get it to.