OAKLAND, CA — Soon after the Oakland City Council voted to pass a resolution calling for an immediate and permanent ceasefire in the Israel-Hamas conflict, city officials also voted to allow Hamas to move into the now-vacant Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum.
"It's the perfect arrangement," said Oakland City Council member Cindy Freed. "We have an enormous, empty stadium, and the brave Hamas freedom fighters are being callously forced to flee their homeland by the relentless Israeli hostility. Hamas is entitled to have a home where they can train for, plan out, and execute horrific terrorist attacks on innocent civilians. The city of Oakland intends to provide that home."
As the temporary ceasefire agreement in Gaza neared its end, the Oakland City Council heard impassioned arguments about hundreds of billions of Palestinians who had reportedly been killed since the start of the conflict. "There are only a few courageous Hamas warriors left," said councilmember Nancy Fernandez-Brown. "We are honor-bound as decent human beings to lend Hamas a hand and bring these noble refugees into our city."
When reached for comment, one grateful Hamas spokesman said "Allahu Akbar! Death to Israel and death to America! May the streets of Oakland run red with the blood of infidels!"
At publishing time, city planners had been contacted to begin renovating the Oakland-Alameda County Coliseum to include a terrorist training camp as insiders reported that the Oakland City Council was considering an additional resolution that would seek to seamlessly integrate Hamas into the already crime-ridden fabric of the city.
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