GAZA — Despite the ongoing violent conflict taking place in the region, the leadership of one of America's most popular fast food chains announced the Oakland, California In-N-Out would be relocating to a far safer location in the Gaza Strip.

"We just can't subject our customers to the dangers of Oakland anymore," said In-N-Out owner and heiress Lynsi Lavelle Snyder-Ellingson. "For the safety of our employees, we needed to find a location that was far less dangerous than Oakland, and Gaza is the perfect solution. Are there daily bombings and drone strikes going on? Yes. But that's way better than Oakland."

Insiders disclosed the constant armed robberies, vehicle break-ins, and other crimes taking place around the Oakland In-N-Out became far too great of a risk. "It's a night and day difference," said one high-ranking member of the In-N-Out organization. "People were surprised to find out we were setting up shop in Gaza, but have you ever been to Oakland? Don't go. Seriously, you'll probably get shot."

The announcement was going over well in Gaza, with Israelis and Palestinians alike already lining up to order food at the not-yet-open In-N-Out, with old Toyota pickup trucks with anti-aircraft machine guns mounted in the back already sitting in the drive-through lane.

At publishing time, geopolitical analysts were already speculating that the presence of In-N-Out may be the key to long-lasting peace between Israel and Palestine.

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