WASHINGTON, D.C. — In a rare display of full bipartisan support, President Donald Trump's "No Tax On Tips" bill passed through the Senate unanimously after legislators received clarification that bribes can count as tips.
Speculation swirled that the bill could potentially face opposition in the Senate from Democrats looking to stonewall a key Trump campaign pledge, but senators enthusiastically jumped on board after finding out that all of the bribes, kickbacks, slush fund contributions, and lobbyist donations would be categorized as tips and, therefore, tax-exempt.
"We are thrilled to support this measure," said Senate Minority Leader Chuck Schumer. "It's rare for us to line up unanimously behind a piece of legislation, but once we found out that bribes can count as tips, we saw no other option than to full-throatedly champion this bill and see it through to the finish line. Thanks to this new rule, a majority of our income as politicians will now be tax-free."
GOP senators were surprised to be joined by all of their Democrat colleagues. "It just shows how passionate we all are about not paying taxes on our bribes," said South Carolina Senator Lindsey Graham. "It's not often that a piece of legislation comes along that gets all 100 of us excited to vote ‘yes,' but this is one way to do it. No tax on bribes… er, I mean, tips, baby!"
At publishing time, word had spread on Capitol Hill that similarly unanimous support was growing to legalize Trump's mass deportations of illegals after lawmakers learned that getting rid of the bodies of dead mistresses could count as deportations.
Brynnleigh is on a mission to stop America from becoming… well, America.
