SACRAMENTO, CA — California Governor Gavin Newsom announced on Friday that he would be signing a law reinstating the death penalty for anyone caught investigating fraud in the state.
"We cannot let this happen, not here," Newsom told the press. "Investigating fraud is not just immoral, it's evil and steals taxpayer dollars from hardworking fraudsters. Not on my watch, man."
The announcement came after investigative journalist Nick Shirley revealed massive amounts of fraud in California, primarily in the healthcare industry. State officials were outraged to learn that fraud investigations were going on right under their noses and vowed to prosecute anyone trying to expose government waste in the Golden State.
"We will prosecute anyone investigating fraud, and I propose they be sentenced to death," Newsom elaborated. "We would never consider executing someone for murder or rape or anything like that. But investigating fraud is too depraved. It must be met with the harshest penalty."
State officials announced that they were committed to rooting out any hint of fraud investigations and announced plans to dedicate significant resources to their hunt.
At publishing time, Newsom announced that Nick Shirley had been arrested and would be hanged in the California Capitol at dawn.
California transplants Steve and Timpani try to be the perfect Texas hosts for Brittuni's visit, but Steve quickly realizes he needs a sensible vehicle now that he's about to become a dad.
