MENLO PARK, CA — Zuckerberg's thriving tech company Meta has announced an exciting and innovative new social media app called Threads, which combines all the things you hate about Twitter with everything you hate about Instagram.

"After years of research, our engineers have created a revolution in social media technology: a Twitter clone on Instagram that offers the absolute worst of both worlds," said a VR headset-wearing Zuckerberg in an address to dozens of friends in the Metaverse. "At long last, you can read caustic hot takes written by talentless idiots, while still enjoying oppressive censorship and sepia-toned thirst traps from yoga pants models with obnoxious lip injections. You're welcome!"

At the announcement, dozens of Metaverse avatars clapped, although it wasn't entirely clear whether they were clapping or glitching.

Sources say the thrilling new app is indistinguishable from Twitter, except that it has fewer users, more censorship, and increased data mining.

At publishing time, Meta stock had tanked after it was revealed that Threads misinformation administrators had already banned every single user except for Dr. Fauci and Ellen DeGeneres.

World, meet Travis. Travis, meet the world. In this first episode of our new show Travis Interviews the World, we interview some guy named Jordan Peterson.