Tech
New Prius Includes Built-In Virtue Signals

KANEGASAKI—An exciting new model of Toyota’s popular Prius hybrid vehicle will eliminate all turn signals and replace them with a large virtue signal, the automaker announced Friday.

The car will feature a lighted signal spanning the rear of the trunk, which will flash several messages when activated. The base model simply says "BETTER THAN THOSE PEOPLE," while custom options include messages like “Doing My Part,” “Environment First,” and  “If Only You Cared About The Earth As Much As I Do.”

“We understand what matters to our drivers,” a Toyota spokesperson told reporters. “More than letting other drivers on the road know which direction they are turning, our drivers desperately want to let people know their values are superior to everyone around them at any given moment.”

Toyota expects the shaming message of the virtue signal to distract the public from noticing its rising carbon footprint from the additional energy utilized to build the signal.

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