U.S.—A new federal law proposed by the Biden Administration will require all police officers to call LeBron James and acquire permission before making an arrest.
"These are the sorts of checks and balances we need on our police departments," said Biden in a statement. "Listen, folks-- LeBron's a good guy. He knows a thing or two. Clean and articulate. We need to listen to LeBron. Simple as that. Call the guy. Ask him for permission. It's not that difficult! We can do this together! We're a full corn beef pipe away from a flapjack doodle-bird here!"
Proponents of the law say it's the key to achieving equity in policing. According to those drafting the bill, police will be required to count to 3-Mississippi and politely ask violent suspects to "please stop" before picking up the phone and calling America's foremost authority on police accountability, Lebron James.
LeBron has endorsed the law, but is asking police to "please text first before calling."
Opponents of the law say that it isn't needed since all the cops have decided to retire anyway.