Politics Sports
NBA Now Requiring All Players To Wear Masks Depicting Chinese Flag

U.S.—After James Harden wore a Blue Lives Matter bandana around his face earlier this week and was swiftly condemned for it, the NBA clarified its masking policy: all players are required to wear masks, but they must depict the Communist Chinese flag.

"We need to stay safe, mask up, and show our support for the Communists," said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver. "American flag masks, Blue Lives Matter masks, or any other unapproved political statement will not be tolerated. We have to love our neighbor by masking up and showing our loyalty to President Xi, may he live forever."

"This is about keeping our players safe and keeping the money flowing in from China."

At publishing time, it had been confirmed that all jerseys will now read, "WORKERS OF THE WORLD, UNITE!" on the back.

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